The time for excuses was over.

I had exceeded every last reasoning I could possibly think of to delay the fact that this surgery had to happen. My husband constantly began reminding me of this.

It was time to make the call.

 

After a few idiotic temper tantrums, I came to realize that I needed to pick up the phone and schedule the surgery.

I had it all planned out:

Late March, early April.

Even though there was Easter and a multitude of other events I could argue, that timeframe would most likely get me recovered in time for when my son came home from college and get me feeling better enough to enjoy a portion of the summer.

As much as I didn’t want to do this, I was getting pretty sick of worrying and talking about it.

Part of me wanted to get it over and done with.

Problem solved.

I’d just do it.

I’d call and schedule it for late March.

 

The surgeon’s secretary answered.

Having it all figured out, I gave her the dates of when the surgery needed to take place.

“Well, I hate to tell you this, but he’s scheduling now for May and June.”

 

For May and June?! It was January?! Oh my gosh!!!

Here I was, ready to bite the bullet and do it NOW, and I’d have to prolong it even more?!

I couldn’t deal with thinking about this for another five or six months?!!

But… I’m guessing, being the doctor that he is, he’s in high demand… and it’s not for his schedule to accommodate mine. It was vice-versa.

I took what she offered gratefully.

 

 

While the next four months would serve to strengthen my knowledge and my overall attitude about this impending surgery, the first month had to be the longest.

 

It was the month of the 30-day heart monitor…

 

My cardiologist had ordered a thirty-day heart monitor for me to wear to take a look at and record what exactly was happening inside the walls of my chest cavity 24/7.

I had done this before but it was only for a twenty-four-hour period.

It couldn’t be too bad though, right?

In fact, the monitor itself hung off the back of my jean’s waist, looking somewhat like a portable microphone.

And yes, I admit, the first day I did have a mini concert in front of the bathroom mirror where, I sang a couple songs, flipped my hair back and forth, and did some Britney Spears moves.

Perfect! I’ll just pretend to be a rock star for the next thirty days!

One problem: a rock star’s mic doesn’t scream out obnoxious beeps randomly drawing alarming and unwanted attention to the superstar’s self when she least expects it…

 

The obnoxious beeps also began to go off like clockwork every morning around 3 am, waking my husband and myself up, startled and unable to go back to sleep.

I’ll be honest, after a multitude of nights of this happening, I tended to cut it off.

It reminded me too much of the Amityville Horror alarm clock…

I also left my rock star package in the car during church services. I couldn’t risk that!

After making my own accommodations and finally getting familiar with my newfound thirty-day friend, it was time to turn him back in!

Thank you, God!

 

I noticed a lot of things beginning to happen to help relieve my anxiety.

A few of the heart patients from the Adam Pick Heart Valve website actually took time out of their day to call me and speak to me about their personal experiences!! This was invaluable!!

*If you came across this blog as a result of searching for information on heart surgeries and if you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to get plugged into Adam’s site! It’s amazing!!!*

Also, my husband had recently discovered that one of his work colleagues just learned that she needed a valve replacement. He told her about my situation and then connected us.

We began to talk often, exchange heart related knowledge and materials, and even met for lunch a few times.

It felt so much better actually meeting someone who was in the same boat!

Even though she is about ten years younger than me, it was crazy to hear all the same thoughts, questions, and fears that her and her husband were trying to cope with that were identical to ours!

What a comfort to know that we weren’t alone, and what a blessing her friendship has been throughout this whole journey!!

Her surgery was scheduled a month before mine. Her husband, bless his heart, communicated with us throughout the whole process! My husband and I so appreciated that!

I am happy to say her surgery is over and done with, and she is doing remarkably well!!!

 

 I’ve learned that when you talk to God on a regular basis and put your worries and struggles before Him that He communicates back to you in AMAZING WAYS!

It seemed that He continued to place people in my everyday path that had experienced the same thing! As if to say (in a Mufasa/ Lion King kinda voice):

“See there Valerie, there’s a heart patient. And another. And another. You need to trust ME!”

 Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your OWN understandings…”

I remember one day I encountered three different happenstances, IN A ROW, involving heart surgery patients! If that’s not a God thing, I don’t know what is!

The signs were everywhere!

The lady that works at our bank, her mom had valve surgery when she was my age.

The teenager checking me out of our local grocery store had an apparent scar that started from her collarbone down the center of her chest and disappeared into the v neck of her uniformed polo.

My son’s friend in college had two heart surgeries already, one being when she was a baby, and was possibly facing a third.

 

And had I forgotten, that pretty major surgery that I had faced forty-six years ago as a premature infant, at a time where there weren’t near the medical advancements that we have today?

I made it through that alright- against alotta odds!

I was tough! I could do this!

And while this was a bit more complicated than a tonsillectomy, it was a surgery that is performed on many people every day, most of which recover and get on with life quickly afterwards.

Had I forgotten what Miss Jeanie taught me there in the gourmet candy isle of the Fresh Market?

Who is in control?

This was actually a question my Mama would ask me whenever I would get stressed and freaked out about something, she would say “Now Valerie, WHO is in CONTROL?! It ain’t YOU!”

Amen Mama!

God has a plan and no matter how much we want to squirm, kick, and scream about it when things aren’t going the way WE planned, God’s plans, whether we understand them or not, are far better than anything we could have ever hoped for!

This flippin’ heart surgery wasn’t in my plans, but God knew about this far before I was born. He knew it would serve as a piece to the puzzle He has laid out for me.

So, when the fears set in and the worry engulfs me,

I have to remember- WE have to remember- just whose hands we are in.

He tends to remind us of this daily. We just have to take the time to listen.