The summer of 2016. It was here. It would mark the last summer before my ‘baby’ would leave for college. I wanted it to be memorable.

The entire senior year was filled with bittersweet tears. If you are a mom and have traveled this road, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I planned different things, we did different things, but I wanted to make this summer count! Our church had been organizing a summer mission’s trip to New Zealand. My son and I both felt lead to go. We were able to raise the funds and were given the opportunity.  What better way to spend time with my boy than serving the Lord with him! It would make for the perfect summer!

In the midst of all this excitement, I had almost let my yearly cardiology appointment, which also happened to be the ’year of the echo’, fall to the wayside. The important thing was that I didn’t. By the grace of God, or some work of one of His divine angels (my mother no doubt), I remembered at the last minute and scheduled it.

THE ECHO ENCOUNTER

If you’ve never had an echocardiogram, it’s basically like a sonogram you get when you’re pregnant. The cold jelly is smeared on your chest and the rotating wand is moved from side to side. The footage of your heart beating is then, recorded. This lasts about, oh forty-five minutes or so, plenty of time to get to know your radiology tech. It was early July this go ‘round,  so naturally the topic of vacations came up between myself, and let’s call him, “Stan”.

So Stan proceeded to talk about his favorite vacation spots and what his plans were, and then asked me about my summer agenda. I excitedly told him, that actually the following week, my son and I were on our way to New Zealand for a mission’s trip!

 There was silence.

The silence continued.

Stan? Stan did you hear me? NEW ZEALAND dude! This is like a HUGE deal for me! The least you could do is PRETEND to act excited?! That would only be common courtesy…

Then I started to analyze the situation. Was it something I said?

Mission’s trip? Maybe Stan didn’t go to church? Maybe he’s got some beef with New Zealand? Maybe he’s never seen ‘Lord of the Rings’?

As I gathered my thoughts as to what to say next to engage the once ‘chatty Stan’, I noticed he began clicking a lot more on the computer. The clicking usually means that measurements are being taken.

Ah. That was it. Stan was just concentrating on what he was doing! Of course! I just remained silent, as not to break his concentration.  When Stan finally DID speak, he stated he was going to email my doctor with the echo findings today. Just to make sure I had “travel clearance.”

Huh?! Travel clearance?!

What you talkin’ ‘bout Stan?! (spoken in an Arnold Jackson / ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ kinda tone)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok. Remain calm.

“Oh! You mean my mitral valve and ASD?!  I’ve known about those for twenty plus years!  They’ve never given me any trouble, so I highly doubt they will affect my trip! Did you see something else that would give cause for alarm?”

Common knowledge told me that Stan wouldn’t reveal a thing, and I was right.

“You will have to discuss that with your doctor. I’ll make sure it gets sent right away”

Stan and I parted ways, with him “hoping that my trip worked out.”

Uh…. It had better! This was a long time in the making Stan! Things were set! I was going! Period.

So on the phone I went, putting a call into my cardiologist’s nurse explaining the synopsis of the recent echo encounter. She acted as if she may have known Stan and that he tended to be a little ‘cautious’ at times, and not to think anything of it. She assured me that it was indeed okay to go on my trip and that she would be on the lookout for any emails to forward to my doctor. She said not to worry about it, and so I didn’t.

I didn’t have time!

I was headed to New Zealand, Mate!

 

While in New Zealand, I received a voice message from my cardiologist’s office wanting to schedule a ‘follow up appointment.’  While I normally didn’t review echo results with an additional visit, I figured that my concern over the rendezvous with ‘Stan the Echoman’ may have prompted this. I was sure that my doc just wanted to reassure me that all was ok. Again, not thinking anything of it, my son and I took some time out that very afternoon to do a quick mountainous run up the trails to the summit of Te Mata Peak!

It was beautiful! New Zealand is definitely God’s country!

 

About a week after coming home from New Zealand, our family was shaken by the very sudden loss of my mother in law. We were all in complete and utter shock.  The next few days were a very trying and emotional time for my husband and our family.

The ‘follow-up appointment’ happened to fall on the day after my mother in law’s funeral. My husband had taken a few days off from work and offered to go with me several times. I told him that was not necessary, as it was just a follow up.

When my cardiologist walked into the room, she had that same look that my OB doc had on his face twenty-four years ago. That concerned one.

So, when they measure the leakage of blood (regurgitation) of a leaking heart valve, there are different ranges, from mild, to mild to moderate, to moderate, to moderate to severe, to severe. Mine had changed from the mild to moderate range, to the moderate to severe range, with my doc leaning more towards the severe side.

This meant one thing: it had to be fixed.

Fixing meant either repair or replacement of the valve. She explained that the shape and form of my valve had become somewhat disfigured from all the years of the ‘buckling’ motion. There was some thickness in the tissue of the valve, most likely meaning that a repair would not be successful. This placed option #2 on the charts, which was replacement of the valve. Of course, the procedure for either,  would be a sternotomy, or open-heart surgery.

Visions of Dr. Redhead came to mind, but deep down I knew that my doctor, whom I had seen for the majority of this journey, was not a psychopath, and knew exactly what she was talking about. Of course I lost it right there, being glad that I had declined my husband from coming.

I left the office and sat in my car.

Typically, I would call my mother in law. She would get me thinking straight. She would help me to absorb this so I could rationally process it before telling my husband. She had been my number one ‘go-to’ person since I had lost my mom eight years ago, but she wasn’t here to call. I sat in my car for, I don’t know how long, and cried.

Almost crawling home, trying to take as long as possible before getting there, I finally pulled into the driveway.  I really wanted to get my act together before seeing my husband. He had been through so much and I didn’t want to subject him to my current crisis. I had told myself I would wait and tell him later. I wasn’t sure how much later but just not right now. I had some time, my doctor was going to consult with another cardiologist and see me back in a few weeks.

“How’d it go?” he asked.

“It went fine!!” I said, probably sounding overly bright, and sickening chipper.

When you have been with someone for almost twenty-five years, it’s kinda hard to hide “fine” when everything is clearly not. Even if you, yourself, THINK you have your crap together, the other person can usually tell when you don’t.

And he could.

You know when you try so hard to hold it in and you just end up exploding? Yea, it was something like that.

Way to go Val!

 

The following month was another strand of emotions, as our son, the baby bird, left the nest and went to college.  They say that when your youngest leaves, it’s almost like a ‘mourning’ you go through. I was a basket case and had a concoction full of emotions running rampant; thankfully, the Lord had laid many distractions ahead of me.

It seemed like the minute I would forget about this whole heart thing, it would manage to resurface and make itself known once again, usually at the most inopportune times.

 

Could I not even enjoy the many pleasures of scrubbing a dorm toilet?

 

As I was meticulously helping my son clean his college dorm, the 1970’s ‘Wonder Woman’ ringtone jingle blasted out of my cell phone introducing the first of many calls to begin scheduling the series of tests and appointments.

 

At first, I hesitated to answer it, just staring at the phone. Kinda like in ‘Christmas Vacation’ when Clark Griswold heard the ring of the doorbell and just took that moment to pause-knowing it meant both feuding sets of in-laws lay on the other side of the door, and that once he answered it, it was over, the beginning of unruly chaos would be unleashed upon him.  That’s kinda how I felt. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with, and as long as I didn’t answer the phone…

At the last minute, I stepped outside and answered it, officially opening the floodgates…